Chapter Nine: Grim Defeat
In chapter nine of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Harry hears his mother being murdered, Dumbledore throws a slumber party, and someone help Oliver Wood because he’s trying to drown himself in the shower.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Dumbledore gathers all the students in the Great Hall after Sirius Black attacked the Fat Lady’s portrait, and I ponder how as an adult I need a lovely soft bed to be able to sleep and yet somehow we all were able to sleep in the horrible torture devices known as “sleeping bags” as kids during slumber parties. How did we do this?! Now I want to play the Saved By the Bell game (which apparently still exists?!) and eat some s’mores.
Percy’s left in charge and he really can’t be happier, and I appreciate that Dumbledore at least sees that Percy has some worth, even if Percy is a giant buzzkill who insists everyone goes to sleep immediately.
Everyone’s discussing how Sirius got into the castle, and Hermione gets her chance to try to convince her friends to read her favorite book again, and she seizes it!
“Honestly, am I the only person who’s ever bothered to read Hogwarts, A History?” said Hermione crossly to Harry and Ron. “Probably,” said Ron. “Why?” – Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
Haven’t we all been there, trying to share a great book no one else will read? While I’m at it everyone should read Unwind by Neal Shusterman!
So Hermione expositions that Hogwarts has enchantments to protect people from Apparating in
*COUGH*
*COUGHCOUGHCOUGH*
Dumbledore and Snape have a mysterious conversation right in front of Percy and the “sleeping” trio about how Sirius Black got into the castle, and maybe how a werewolf named Remus Lupin helped him sneak in, until A-Dumbs shuts it down hard.
Everyone’s getting protective over Harry, from Percy (#JusticeForPercy) to McGonagall, and yet there’s QUIDDITCH to be played and Oliver Wood means to win that cup or die trying!
Flint somehow gets the Slytherins temporarily out of playing Quidditch and Gryffindor has to play Hufflepuff instead which seems so grossly unfair my head explodes for a moment. We see in the past (book one, when Harry’s in the hospital after the Quirrelldemort incident) and in the future (book six, when Harry’s got his skull cracked by McLaggen) that injury to a seeker means you play with a different seeker, or no seeker at all. So Malfoy’s fake injury should one hundred percent have nothing to do with Slytherin not being able to play Gryffindor, and is total bullshit. And let’s add to that that this also isn’t fair to Hufflepuff, who presumably were not training to play yet! As usual, the rules are wildly different at Hogwarts depending on who you are, and who you talk to.
So Wood’s talking about Cedric Diggory instead and Katie, Alicia, and Angelina immediately let us know Cedric Diggory is clearly the hunk of Hogwarts, and I wish that this whole plot was in the third movie. Not just for more of Wood and Quidditch, but also so we could’ve met Cho and Cedric earlier, and had Cedric’s fate been even more tragic.
Anyway Oliver Wood’s losing his mind and also stalking Harry in the corridors to shout tips about Cedric Diggory at him, and I shudder to think of the state of Wood’s grades. This causes Harry to be late to Defense Against the Dark Arts, which isn’t that big of a deal since REMUS LUPIN is awesome and will surely be understanding—wait what?
Oh shit, Harry, run back out of the classroom!
Snape’s decided he hasn’t been enough of a toxic asshole this book yet, so he manages to insult the class overall and Lupin’s abilities as a teacher, attempts to clue everyone in about the fact that Lupin is a werewolf, and calls Hermione a know-it-all in roughly ninety economical seconds.
MovieRon is a jerk who agrees with Snape, but BookRon gets outraged:
“That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger,” said Snape coolly. “Five more points from Gryffindor for being an insufferable know-it-all.”
Hermione went very red, put down her hand, and stared at the floor with her eyes full of tears. It was a mark of how much the class loathed Snape that they were all glaring at him, because every one of them had called Hermione a know-it-all at least once, and Ron, who told Hermione she was a know-it-all at least twice a week, said loudly, “You asked us a question and she knows the answer! Why ask if you don’t want to be told?”
FINISH HIM RON!
The day of the Quidditch match comes and the weather is so bad someone might get struck by lightning and die but it’s not like a little student death has ever stopped Hogwarts school from doing something, so our team has to fly anyway against the Hufflepuffs. Hermione does a clever little spell so Harry can see through the rain, and just when Harry and Diggory are off to catch the snitch the dementors show up, and Harry hears Lily screaming and begging for her life again, and he falls off his broom.
The Gryffindor team plus Ron and Hermione show up to the Hospital Wing and Harry finds out the horrible truth that Cedric caught the snitch and Gryffindor lost. We get our second indication that Cedric Diggory is a decent guy (the first being when he smiles at Wood before the match) when Cedric tries to get a rematch when he sees that Harry fell off his broom. It’s no can do, and Wood is off trying to drown himself in the showers to get over it. (Never change, my crazy Quidditch obsessed Prince!) Also, can someone go check on Wood that he hasn’t actually managed to drown himself in a centimeter of water?
As if hearing your mother about to get murdered and begging for your life, falling fifty feet off a broom in front of the whole school and losing a Quidditch match isn’t enough, Harry then gets informed that the Whomping Willow destroyed his broom. Enjoy your weekend, Harry!
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