Chapter Eight: The Quidditch World Cup
In chapter eight of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire the Malfoys lurk about being assholes, Winky appears, and Krum catches the snitch.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Ludo Bagman comes through for the Weasleys with super amazing seats for the Quidditch cup, and I assume Molly didn’t come because Quidditch bores her, because otherwise that’s not cool at all that she never gets to have fun.
Harry sees a house-elf in the top box, assumes it’s Dobby, and I squeal with happiness because I can’t help it, I love all the weird house-elf subplots that lots of other people hate.
But it’s not Dobby, it’s poor Winky, one of the saddest characters in the whole series. (We’ll get to that later.) Winky lets Harry know that Dobby is getting uppity because he *gasp* wants to get paid for working, and look I know people think Hermione’s outrage about house-elves is tone deaf, but how can you not find this effed up?!
Percy bows so hilariously low to Fudge that he breaks his glasses
The Malfoys slither up and this is the weirdest fucking collection of people in this top box ever. The Minister of Magic, foreign dignitaries, a random house-elf and an “empty” chair next to her (does no one ask why she’s saving two seats?!) a trio of Malfoy assholes who are basically named “Dragon,” “Narcissistic,” and “Lucifer,” the Boy Savior, the Smartest Witch of Her Age, and 8 Weasleys. (Side note congrats to the Malfoy parents for being so full of themselves they married someone that looks like their sibling! Very Lannister of them.)
The mascots for the teams show up, and the metaphorical representation of the idiocy of some straight men–I mean uh, the Veela– are introduced as beautiful bewitching nymphs that make men do crazy things to impress them, but also turn into weird bird things when they are angry, making us all wonder if Fleur goes full fowl when she’s pissed at Bill for something.
What is a very exciting Quidditch match commences, but as it’s dull as hell for me to write about, I’ll jump back in when the Bulgarian Minister has revealed he can speak English all along and was trolling Fudge.
Somehow, Fred and George guess correctly with their wager that Krum will catch the snitch but Ireland will win, and stick a pin the size of Mars in this one, because it’s the start of the biggest red herring plot in Harry Potter history, after “Snape is after the stone” in book one. Don’t worry though, none of it will show up in the movie because Goblet of Fire does not give one single solitary fuck about representing the book correctly, or even coherently. But it does have Ron dancing with McG, so I can’t hate it. What can I say?
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Why doesn’t Molly come to the Quidditch cup?
How come no one notices Winky is saving two seats?
So why do Lucius and Narcissa look alike? Or do they both just have blonde hair?
Veela or Leprechauns?
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