Chapter Eleven: Aboard the Hogwarts Express
In chapter eleven of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Mr. Diggory’s head roasts in flames, the Ministry hides more crimes, and Malfoy, diss artist extraordinaire, returns to form.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Mr. Diggory’s head is boiling in the fire like Raiders of the Lost Ark
Sorry, he’s safely ensconced in the flames chatting, totes normal, about a fellow called “Mad-Eye” going hog wild and attacking trash cans and cats and one thing that is very intriguing about Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire to me is how it’s the most straight up mystery of all the Harry Potter novels. By which I mean, when you reread it, all you see is constant clues of the big reveal that you missed. Here’s Mr. Diggory talking about Mad-Eye attacking everything in sight, while he and Mr. Weasley dismiss the possibility that an actual wizard attacked Mad-Eye like he claimed when we, the re-reader, know that in fact, Mad-Eye was defending himself against Wormtail, Barty Crouch Jr, and a snake baby dipped in delicious, delicious marinara sauce.
The Ministry’s at it again, thinking up a way to cover up Mad-Eye’s digressions so he can go work at Hogwarts, even though he broke the law and OH YEAH maybe investigate the claims that someone attacked him since the poor real Mad Eye is now LOCKED IN HIS OWN KINK TRUNK.
Harry gets some exposition about Aurors, and George gets off what I call a “Good one Goyle:”
“I just can’t justify taking more time off at the moment,” (Percy) told them. “Mr. Crouch is really starting to rely on me”
“Yeah, you know what, Percy?” said George seriously. “I reckon he’ll know your name soon.”
It’s mean and I like to defend Percy, but c’mon, that was a good zing.
Some poor cab drivers get a shit experience of having Weasley’s and wild animals in their cabs, and then Charlie and Bill engage in some good old fashioned older brother trolling when they hint about the Triwizard Tournament repeatedly to their younger siblings, Hermione, and Harry, to the increasing irritation of said sextuplet.
Hey, guys? You know what would’ve solved this problem? Asking Percy what he was talking about when he was hinting ages ago that he’d tell you.
Hermione hits one of my favorite running rags in which she gets snippity because no one has read Hogwarts, a History but I call shenanigans that no one knows where Durmstrang is. REALLY? No one has ever let this secret slip to someone else, who then made it public record? Or did they all get thrown off of a glacier if they dared?
Malfoy shows up to be an odious hobgoblin who sustains himself on sneers and bleach alone and in short order, makes fun of Ron that he’ll never be in the top box again, catches a glimpse of Ron’s heinous dress robes (THANKS MOLLY) and proceeds to hint obliquely at the Triward Tournament. Then he does a dance of joy
when he finds out no one knows what he’s talking about
‘Don’t tell me you don’t know?’ (Malfoy) said delightedly. ‘You’ve got a father and brother at the Ministry and you don’t even know? My God, my father told me about it ages ago… heard it from Cornelius Fudge. But then, Father’s always associated with the top people at the Ministry… maybe your father’s too junior to know about it, Weasley… yes… they probably don’t talk about important stuff in front of him…’
Hey guys? You know what would’ve solved all this? IF YOU HAD ASKED PERCY TO TELL YOU A WEEK AGO.
It’s a delightful return to form for D-Malfs, who, after showing a potential shred of concern for Hermione, has stomped on all thoughts of him being anything other then a stupid spoiled bigot.
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Would Percy have even told everyone about the tournament if they’d asked?
Would you communicate by putting your head in a magical fire?
Should the Ministry have taken the attack on Mad Eye more seriously?
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