Chapter Seventeen: The Four Champions
In chapter seventeen of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Harry’s the fourth champion against his will, no one is happy but Bagman, and Dumbledore asks Harry about it calmly. CALMLY, DAMN YOU!
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
I’m just going to be straight with you. This review will be filled with memes. Memes about one moment. One horrendous movie moment. You know what I’m talking about. You know it’s coming.
But before we get to this travesty, Harry’s in shock, poor kid, and everyone else is kind of staring at him like he’s a zoo exhibit (so y’know, another day in the life of HPotz) when Dumbledore calls him up to join the other champions, who have three very different reaction to the news that Harry’s the fourth champion. Cedric is confused, Fleur assumes it’s a joke, but Krum immediately seems to believe it and is suspicious. You know, unlike this film character.
Then there’s a whole lot of text of Professors and Headmasters joining the champions with Bagman (who is fucking giddy about this whole turn of events) before Dumbledore even questions Harry. You know, like this:
Karkaroff and Maxime are pissed as hell, and as much as Karkaroff sucks for being a murderous Death Eater he’s got a point in this scenario. I’m not sure what Dumbledore is supposed to do exactly in their minds (I mean, not this of course)
but they are still saying everything’s unfair for Hogwarts to have two champions. Snape oozes over to blame Harry because BITE ME SNAPE that’s why and Dumbledore gently and kindly does this
sorry, I mean asks Harry if he put his name in or asked someone else did it, and when Harry’s like “no fucking way kill me I just wanted to laugh at Pretty Boy over there getting his ass whooped while I eat some chocolate frogs” BOOK Dumbledore is like
while MOVIE Dumbledore loses every brain cell in his brilliant mind for some reason.
The Trophy Room
[All the professors race downstairs so everyone can shriek at Harry in privacy, while the newly-chosen champions watch uncomfortably.]
MOODY: Oh, come on, Potter didn’t do it! Look at the kid, he can’t even comb his hair!
DUMBLEDORE [throttling]: DID YOU DO IT, HARRY? DID YOU PUT YOUR NAME IN THE GOBLET? ANSWER ME, YOU LITTLE SHIT! JUST GO AHEAD AND DIE IF YOU’RE THAT STUPID, SEE IF I CARE!
HARRY [choking]: This—this is not mellow!
FLEUR: L’awkward.
–Cleolinda Movies in 15 Minutes
WHO thought this was a good idea? Seriously? It’s against every ounce of Dumbledore’s character! All you needed to do was have the other characters complain, like the books! Not have Dumbledore decide Harry deserved physical interrogation ffs.
Barty Senior steps out of the shadows like a lurking ghoul to declare that Harry still has to participate, so sorry, so sad, we’re forcing a 14 year old kid to compete against 17 year olds in a death tournament. Karkaroff, Maxime, and Fleur are still whining until Mad-Mind Bartemius Moody speaks up (somehow not choking on his own giggles) and is like “Yo everyone, actually this is unfair and sucks for Potter most of all, since he’s a fetus and can barely brush his own teeth, certainly can’t handle an actual magical competition that’s going to kill him” while Harry’s like “yeah thanks–wait!” Death Barty then cackles some more on the inside while he needles Karkaroff openly and lays out exactly how he put Harry’s name in the Goblet so Voldemort can kill him to everyone’s face. I’ve said it before, but the Bart Man is STONE COLD.
Harry finally gets to escape, only to find out that Cedric doesn’t believe a word of his protestations, and neither do any of the Gryffindors… including Ron.
Harry:
But hey, at least Dumbledore believed him, right?
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What do you think of Krum’s reaction to Harry being announced as the 4th triwizard champion?
So why does Fake Barty tell everyone exactly what his evil plan was?
Were Karkaroff and Maxime justified in being angry?
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nearly died out of laughter