Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Madness of Mr. Crouch
In chapter twenty-eight of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Hermione gets tormented by grown adults over gossip, Mr. Crouch still can’t remember Percy’s name, and we get introduced to the cutest magical animals of all time.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Dobby’s getting his gifts of socks socks socks socks socks (yes I do have that terrible “shots” song in my head and I’ve improved it by imaging socks getting rained down on Dobby while he dances also I’m sorry I can’t draw so I can’t recreate this magic for you) when we open our chapter, and Winky is drunk and getting covered in tablecloths. Hermione can’t take it, opens her mouth about wages and rights and even Dobby is like
But don’t worry Hermione, your day is going to get loads better, when grown ass adults decide to send you curses and insults over teenage gossip!
And listen, I’d like to reiterate that I like Mrs. Weasley a lot. But she’s not perfect, as I discussed earlier, and here’s one of her worst moments, there’s no getting around it. For Easter, she sends Ron and Harry giant candy filled eggs, and Hermione gets a teeny tiny egg. Because Mrs. Weasley, a grown ass woman who’s probably at minimum mid forties, is punishing a fifteen year old girl over gossip she read written by a woman who she already knows is a lying sack of shit. Remember how we discussed this, just a few months ago, Molly?
“Don’t you dare blame your father for what that wretched Skeeter woman wrote!” Said Mrs. Weasley, flaring up at once.
-JK Rowling,Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
So it’s all well and good to give Arthur a pass (which I agree with!) but oh no, let’s believe every word a notorious yellow journalist wrote about a nice friend of your son’s you’ve known for years. Then let’s openly punish her in front of said son and his friend! This is really, really not a good look, Molly.
On a happier note, Hagrid is still kicking ass as a Professor and he’s introduced us to the endlessly lovable Nifflers, the best characters in the Fantastic Beasts franchise after Jacob and Leta Lestrange.
Look at his little face as he robs you!
Fleur and the Boys (band name not yet taken!) find out that the last task is a maze, which…hold up. What is stopping say, the greatest seeker in the world and the two other seekers not named Krum from flying their butts up over said maze and mapping it out ahead of time? Yeah, yeah, aside from morals. Oh, Ministry! You really suck as this, am I right?
Vik decides to talk to Harry about Hermione, barely controlling himself from dropping trou, whipping out the trouser snake, and flinging it around before peeing on Hermione while Harry’s like
Mr. Crouch shows up because he can’t stand witnessing this weird, hilarious pissing match of Krum’s and has got to interrupt–I mean, he’s escaped Wormtail and needs some fucking help so get out of the goddamn way, Snape, and my goodness, even in a world where Crouch is acting batshit crazy he can’t remember poor Percy’s real name. Crouch desperately tries to tell Harry about LV, but no one gets it and he’s murdered in the forest by his own son and transfigured into a bone while the only being alive who actually cares about him is a drunk elf getting ignored in a kitchen and man, this shit is dark.
(No I will not apologize for two Tyra Banks gifs in one post!)
Karkaroff insults Dumbledore in front of Hagrid and he gets shoved against a tree and really, he should count his blessings he doesn’t get a pig’s tail instead. Or y’know, still be in jail for BEING A DEATH EATER people are way too casual about the fact that the Headmaster at Durmstrang is a freaking DEATH EATER NO BIG DEAL.
Hagrid’s still pissed as hell at Maxime and Karkaroff and tells Harry to avoid all foreign triwizard champions and presumably, this lunatic as well.
You can’t trust Cedric Harry! He might flash a butt cheek then sparkle!
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What are your thoughts on Mrs. Weasley giving Hermione a smaller Easter egg?
Do you feel sorry for Mr. Crouch at all?
Could Winky have been helped at all?
What do you think about Krum confronting Harry?
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