Chapter Eleven: The Sorting Hat’s New Song
In chapter eleven of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Harry yells some “yo mama” disses at Seamus, Umbridge gives a speech as dry as the ends of my hair post bleaching, and the sorting hat is piiiiiissed.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
As much as I love Luna, I cannot condone how she starts off this chapter with some casual Hagrid bashing and do not insult my sweet giant prince, Luna! No one’s heart is as pure as Hagrid’s except for Dobby.
Our group gets to the castle and not only do they notice that Hagrid is gone, but Harry sees the pink monstrosity that is a grown women dressing like a five-year-old girl in the middle of a pretty princess pony phase. Oh, and she also looks like a frog.
Not to be outdone by a woman with the face of an amphibian but the clothing style that marries “twee” with “Mr. Smithers playing with his Malibu Stacey doll collection,” the sorting hat has decided that it is DONE with these stupid WHIPPERSNAPPERS and their BICKERING over what dead witch or wizard they emblazon on their robes. It busts out a song that you know in first draft was like “listen you little pukes stop arguing over this stupid shit that won’t matter as soon as you hit twenty and pay attention to like, the mass murdering psychopath that ordered Wormtail to kill Cedric Diggory last year, remember him?”
Ron is like
but y’know, whilst insulting Nick through a mouthful of food because c’mon, it’s Ron.
Umbridge gives everyone indigestion by standing up and giving a speech as dull as Binns lecture about how the Ministry is scared shitless of the youths and their ideas and their technologies and DAMN the Ministry would FREAK if the Muggleborns ever started bringing in their technology and getting it to work in school if they can’t even handle Dumbledore insisting that the children have vague rights.
Every student but Hermione does this
while Hermione is like
at Umbridge.
After this thrilling speech about student oppression Ron gets a chance to show his mettle as a prefect and performs admirably by calling the first year’s midgets. Oh, Ron. Don’t make Dumbledore regret not making Percy come back to serve as an all-time prefect in your place!
Harry has only had about twelve horrible things happen to him this book so far and that simply cannot do, so Seamus has decided to join in the fun by telling him his mom didn’t want him back at Hogwarts cause of Harry. I’ll pause here to say that while in the movies, Seamus is antagonistic off the bat, I think JKR did a good job of showing that Seamus is actually feeling uncomfortable and uneasy about his mother’s beliefs, and when he asks Harry what happened with Cedric, he probably has good intentions. If Harry had just kept his cool (Book 5 Harry: lol) and answered his friend of four plus years, it would’ve most likely turned into a good discussion. Instead Harry goes nuclear (understandably) and goes straight to ragging on Seamus’s mother, which turns the whole encounter on a dime into nastiness.
Ron shows up and redeems his horrendous behavior of the last book by being like if you have a problem with Harry
and Neville and Dean are like not us! So….really Harry you’ve at least got 3/4, of your roommates on your side, right? That’s good? Harry?
It’s called puberty Harry. Enjoy!
<—Previous Chapter Next Chapter —>
Join in with your thoughts below, on twitter, or instagram with #ReadHarryPotterWithMe. Follow me on my twitter @HSecretLibrary, pinterest, and my instagram @hermionessecretlibrary
Why do the students still get sorted into the four houses when it does divide them socially?
Why does Umbridge dress like a toxic pink explosion?
Do you think Harry should’ve told Seamus what happened with Cedric?
Picture taken at Chateau Amboise in Amboise, France. Send me/tag me in your pics of you reading Harry Potter!