Chapter Fifteen: The Hogwarts High Inquisitor
In chapter fifteen of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Harry gives one of my favorite sick burns, Umbridge’s entitled obnoxiousness reaches new heights, and McGonagall roasts Umbridge alive.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
So Fudge has lost his remaining half a brain cell and has decided to appoint Umbridge in some made up “Hogwarts High Inquisitor” like she’s Dwight Schrute, assistant to the regional manager.
Malfoy’s gotta Malfoy, so Lucifer is off lying to papers about how great and fantastic Umbitch is and how most parents hate Dumbledore and good one, Lucius! Good thing you didn’t teach your bleached son how to defend himself against dark magic like oh, say, his aunt and the snake man you worship. I’m sure you won’t live to regret that.
Snape gives back his papers and Hermione irritates me by trying to find out what Ron and Harry got in a very unsubtle way and c’mon Hermz, I love you, but they obviously did shitty so why are they going to tell you? So you can nag them about it?
Umbridge has now decided that we, the reader, have not possibly suffered her horrible presence enough and is now popping up all over the other magic lessons to ruin all of our fun of fantasizing we go to a magic school for witches and wizards you evil bitch! Let me live in Hogwarts and not my boring reality of paying bills you squatty hag!
(PS when you search “squatty” on giphy this is the gem you get:)
(…you’re welcome.)
For some reason Hermione has decided to antagonize Umbridge in class. Not that I disagree with this action, but then when Umbridge predictably baits everyone to talk back to her Hermione tries to stop Harry from joining in and Hermz…my darling…my love…have you met Harry this book?
No I will not stop posting these gifs because they are hilarious!
So Umbridge with an assist from Hermione triggers the rage monster inside of Harry (not to be confused with the chest monster we will see popping out next book, ugh) and Harry pulls off one of my top sick burns in his arsenal.
I’m sorry, but this is f’ing art. Frame it, worship it, make Sassy!Harry your god.
Of course, our boy must suffer for his insolence so Umbridge gives him more detention, Angelina shouts at him, and McG takes points from Harry which normally would enrage me, but then she takes Umbridge’s lightly charred body (courtsey of Sassy!Harry) and sticks her on a bbq grill.
Oh god, it’s so beautiful. OK sorry, sorry! So Umbridge decides to “inspect” a McG lesson like a damn mouth breathing celler dweller and when she tries her little tricks we saw worked on previous teachers McGonagall is like
Umbridge tries again, and McG is all
What I’m saying is, McG and Olenna Tyrell are the same person and I’m just now realizing it! No wonder I love them both!
Even Harry Potter, CAPSLOCK screamer of death can’t be mad at McG when she’s saying shit like
to his new mortal enemy, but oh no, the fun’s gotta stop, because Umbridge and the Slytherin shitheels are using an opportunity to insult Hagrid when he’s not even there
This of course Harry, and I, cannot stand, so he gets yet more detentions with Umbridge.
We end our chapter with a heartbreaking scene where yeah, Harry goes full CAPSLOCK on Hermione and Ron again, but it’s because he’s taken Hermione’s suggestion that he teach them defense against the dark arts and GrangeWeaz giggles about his exploits to mean they are calling Cedric an idiot and look this is sad as hell.
But watch out everyone, because a new teacher is coming to town, and Umbridge can’t inspect this one!
<—Previous Chapter Next Chapter —>
Join in with your thoughts below, on twitter, or instagram with #ReadHarryPotterWithMe. Follow me on my twitter @HSecretLibrary, pinterest, and my instagram @hermionessecretlibrary
Would you tell Hermione if you got a P or a D on your homework?
How does Umbridge have time to “teach” and inspect everyone constantly?
What is one of your favorite Sassy!Harry moments?
Picture taken in Bayeux, France. Send me/tag me in your pics of you reading Harry Potter!