Chapter Twenty-Seven: The Centaur and the Sneak
In chapter twenty-seven of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Harry gets friendly with Firenze, Dumbledore’s badassery finally shows up again, and Hermione’s hex comes into play.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
This is where this book starts to get turned up to eleventy, so everyone grasp your buttock cheeks and hang on for dear life.
We start out our chapter with a little casual beastiality again, when Parv and Lav are like “oooh Hermione bet you’re jealous that we’re having class with this hot ass centaur professor” and Hermione’s all…”he’s…part horse…?” which: how specist, Hermione! I expect better out of the founder of S.P.E.W.!
Firenze teaches a super weird class and I grind my teeth into powder in jealousy that I cannot take this bizarre elective ever in my life. Look, getting college credit for a class called Victorian Vampires and another called The History of Magic and Witchcraft just whet my appetite! I need to take Divination with a kooky woman and then a centaur, dammit!
Professor Firenze drops a chilled out story about the time he was almost kicked to death by other centaurs for accepting this position before Hagrid saved him because let’s be honest, aside from Firenze the centaurs are awful.
Harry’s teaching the kids Patronus’s in the latest DA lesson, and I get more jealous that Cho got something super amazing like a swan when I got a brown sparrow on Pottermore. Couldn’t I have at least gotten a tropical bird?!
Dobby arrives to crash the party because he’s found out Umbridge is coming to break up the lesson and this is the first time it’s occurred to me to ask how this came about. Who is telling the house elves about Umbridge breaking up student organizations? And who is then telling the house elves to be quiet about it? And why? This is…odd, and if anyone knows the answer please tell me because now it’s going to bother me.
So our heroes (and Zacharias, the One Awful Hufflepuff) sprint away and Harry gets caught by Malfoy because I haven’t wanted to choke him for a while and he needed to rear his stupid blonde head.
What follows is Dumbledore’s best moment in this book, a moment so stupendous I almost forgive him for every terrible thing he’s done so far in Order of the Phoenix. But let’s back up a bit. Harry’s brought to Fudge, Kingsley, Umbridge, McG, Dumbles, Percy (sigh what are you doing Perce,) and Random Auror number 28 for interrogation. Fully prepared to unload Sassy!Harry on them all, Dumbledore stops Harry from confessing with a tiny headshake, points out Harry hasn’t officially broken any rules as far as they all know, and then watches as Fudge spontaneously combusts with rage.
Marietta, Cho’s previously vaguely sullen friend, arrives with SNEAK written all over her face, and sure, Hermione does some illegal, messed up things this book. Blackmailing Rita, upcoming events with Umbridge, and hexing someone for life with disfigurement.
She does things I don’t like next book but this book? Hermione’s illegal behavior DELIGHTS me.
Kingsley modifies Marietta’s memory and then the moment with Dumbledore happens. First, he sees that the paper says Dumbledore’s Army. Then, he admits full culpability, claims to be working against Fudge, and then…
“Ah” said Dumbledore gently, “Yes I thought we might hit that little snag!”
“Snag?” said Fudge, his voice still vibrating with joy. “I see no snag, Dumbledore!”
“Well,” said Dumbledore apologetically, “I’m afraid I do.”
“Oh, really?”
“Well it’s just that you seem to be labouring under the delusion that I am going to — come quietly. I am afraid I am not going to come quietly at all, Cornelius. I have absolutely no intention of being sent to Azkaban. I could break out, of course — but what a waste of time, and frankly, I can think of a whole host of things I would rather be doing.”
Oh my god, it’s so beautiful. So Dumbz takes out everyone and tells Harry to practice Occlumency once more, and Harry feels an alien force inside of him want to attack Dumbledore and dammit Harry, the Chest Monster shouldn’t be torturing us until the next book!
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OK seriously what is up with that talk about Firenze with Lavender, Parvati, and Hermione?!
How does Dobby find out about Umbridge’s attack?
How do you feel about the SNEAK hex?
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