Chapter Thirty: The Sacking of Severus Snape
In chapter thirty of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Harry throws around more banned curses, McG achieves a supernova level of badass, and Percy gets the redemption I craved.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Luna stuns Carrow the female, and the Ravenclaws come out to party over her motionless body. Lord V is off playing Batman on a mission to find his Horcruxes, and Amycus Carrow shows up to remind us that Death Eaters are either lacking brain function or beautiful deranged geniuses of evil.
Professor McG, a sight for sore eyes this book, makes her grand entrance into our narrative, swiftly insults Amycus, answers a tough riddle, insults Amycus some more, reveals she’s the number one fan of the “Harry Potter is in my house, bitch” club, stands up for the students at Hogwarts, and then gets spat on for her trouble.
HPotz channels my rage at this and Crucios Amycus for this insult and look. Maybe I should be concerned Harry is doing Unforgiveables all willy nilly at this point. But yet
Harry informs McG that LV is on his way, flying on the wings of his own hatred and like, batwings or whatever, then McGonagall joins the Unforgiveable fun and Imperius’s Amycus to truss up his sister. Real talk, do the Carrows spend the battle of Hogwarts docilely trussed up like pigs in Ravenclaw tower? And does McG deserve an Order of Merlin, first class for this hilarity?
McG and HPotz concoct a plan where the students evacuate while Harry searches, then Snape oozes into the picture. This moment is really brilliant because we know, in retrospect, that Snape is desperately trying to find Harry so he can tell him about Horcruxes but of course on first read he looks like a Death Eater asshole so when McG starts dueling him we cheer.
Sprout and Flitwick show up to join the badassery and Snape—okay. OKAY. There is no way not to giggle at this unintentionally. Snape has escaped through a “Snape shaped hole in the window” and is now flying as a “huge, batlike shape” through the air and this is fucking hilarious, I’m sorry. Just visualize this shit!
So the Heads of Houses start plotting the evacuation and battle and I’m going to give a shout out to the movie because this moment is depicted as so bad ass it evolves and achieves nuclear level badass, like a radioactive shark about to do karate on the moon.
Filch is sent to get Peeves, his non mortal nemesis, and we get a bunch of our favorites showing up through the Hog’s Head like REMUS LUPIN, Bill, Fleur, Weasley parental units, the former Gryffindor Quidditch team including my deranged King Oliver Wood, who sadly is not plotting on how Gryffindor can win the cup since Slytherin is about to forfeit due to being the house of EVIL. Let’s finally get to that last point next chapter, eh?
But enough about Oliver and his obsession, because it’s time for a moment I’ve been waiting for since book five, the redemption of my underappreciated boy, Percy Weasley, who shows up frantic to join the fight. I’m just going to quote it while I quiver with emotion:
“There was a scuffling and a great thump: someone else had clambered out of the tunnel, overbalanced slightly and fallen. He pulled himself up on the nearest chair, looked around through lopsided horn – rimmed glasses and said, ‘Am I too late? Has it started? I only just found out, so I – I -‘
Percy spluttered into silence. Evidently he had not expected to run into most of his family. There was a long moment of astonishment, broken by Fleur turning to Lupin and saying, in a wildly transparent attempt to break the tension, ‘So – ‘ow eez leetle Teddy?’
Lupin blinked at her, startled. The silence between the Weasleys seemed to be solidifying, like ice.
‘I – oh yes – he’s fine!’ Lupin said loudly. ‘Yes, Tonks is with him – at her mother’s.’
Percy and the other Weasleys were still staring at one another, frozen.
‘Here, I’ve got a picture!’ Lupin shouted, pulling a photograph from inside his jacket and showing it to Fleur and Harry, who saw a tiny baby with a tuff of bright turquoise hair, waving fat fists at the camera.
‘I was a fool!’ Percy roared, so loudly that Lupin nearly dropped his photograph ‘I was an idiot, I was a pompous prat, I was a – a -‘
‘Ministry – loving, family – disowning, power – hungry moron,’ said Fred.
Percy swallowed.
‘Yes I was!”
“Well, you can’t say fairer than that,” said Fred, holding out his hand to Percy.”
Y’all, I needed this moment, badly. I craved this moment. If I hadn’t gotten this moment the franchise wouldn’t have felt right to me, that’s how much I cared about #JusticeForPercy.
But me and Molly have to pull ourselves together, because Ron and Hermione are missing and LV has shown up with Nagini wrapped around his shoulders.
Bitch who do you think you are, Britney?
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How do you feel about Harry casting the Imperius and then Crucio here?
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How did you feel about Percy and Fred’s moment?
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