In chapter nineteen of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Harry channels me when I’m not in tropical warmth weather, Ron stabs an evil eye that’s not Sauron, and Hermione tries to choke Ron to death with her bare hands in her mind.
In chapter eighteen of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Hermione and Harry read a depressing tabloid book about Dumbledore being a baby dictator, and where can I get a copy of this trashy addictive foolery?!
In chapter seventeen of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows hope you have a strong stomach, because not only do we get a rotting old lady corpse stuffed with a snake, but we have to deal with the tragic deaths of Lily and James.
In chapter sixteen of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Harry and Hermione go back to where it all started for the boy wizard, and it’s beautiful and sad and I maybe want some real estate in Godric’s Hollow.
In chapter fifteen of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Harry can’t make a patronus, Dean is hanging out with some goblins, and Ron is as big of a mess as I am when I’m hangry.
In chapter fourteen of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Harry sees Voldemort torturing Gregorovitch, Ron’s missing some flesh without even dieting, and I discuss the best wizarding career to guarantee you live to old age.
In chapter thirteen of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows “Runcorn” wreaks havoc on the Death Eater run Ministry, Arthur Weasley is a badass, and I beg for Voldemort to discover that Umbridge was wearing his locket.
In chapter twelve of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows the trio transform into a series of Ministry employees and PINK ALERT it’s KITTEN HITLER HERSELF, UMBRIDGE! Grab a centaur and protect yourself, everyone!
In chapter eleven of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows —yikes Remus, what are you doing?!
In chapter ten of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows we get the Kreacher redemption tale I didn’t think was possible and meet the bravest and most selfless of all the Slytherins. Yeah, I said it!