In chapter twelve of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows the trio transform into a series of Ministry employees and PINK ALERT it’s KITTEN HITLER HERSELF, UMBRIDGE! Grab a centaur and protect yourself, everyone!
In chapter eleven of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows —yikes Remus, what are you doing?!
In chapter ten of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows we get the Kreacher redemption tale I didn’t think was possible and meet the bravest and most selfless of all the Slytherins. Yeah, I said it!
In chapter nine of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Hermione can escape Death Eaters but not sexual harassment, we return to the Black family home, and the greatest bag ever is debuted.
In chapter eight of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows we get our first wizard wedding and it’s crashed by Death Eaters. Well, that’s a way to make sure no one forgets your big day!
In chapter seven of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Harry’s been spending time in Voldemort’s head again, Mrs. Weasley gives Harry a touching birthday gift, and Scrimgeour is lucky no one clocked him in the face.
In chapter six of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Harry, Ron, and Hermione are treated like house elves, Hermione reveals that she violated her parents minds, and will someone please slip a valium in Mrs. Weasley’s tea?
In chapter five of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Hagrid is okay, making your recapper very happy, we meet Andromeda Tonks, a GOOD SLYTHERIN, and Mad-Eye, the baddest of badasses is dead.
In chapter four of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Harry is noble even in a life or death situation, Hedwig peaces out of our tale and it’s sad, and I almost lose my shit at the potential Hagrid death.
In chapter three of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Uncle Vernon and Petunia take their bows out of the story, and I long for Dudley and Harry to be BFF’s.