Chapter 10: The Rogue Bludger
In chapter ten of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Harry breaks his arm, our trio gets a restricted book for the first time, and Harry is forced to act out parts of Lockhart’s books with him.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Our chapter–ha! I mean, sorry. Our chapter begins hahaha! Sorry, sorry. The Rogue Bludger starts with Harry–
Sorry! I just keep picturing Harry being forced to reenact parts of Lockhart’s books with him and it’s fucking hilarious, and I am further sad that this wasn’t in our movies. Just imagine Harry howling like a werewolf while Lockhart pounces on him one handed on the classroom floor and I defy you not to find this as amusing as I do.
“I then screwed up my remaining strength and performed the immensely complex Homorophus Charm–he let out a piteous moan–go on Harry–higher than that–good–“
I honestly could’ve watched a six hour movie, four hours of which were comprised of Lockhart and Harry acting out portions of his books, and been the happiest kid in a candy store. The fact that Lockhart actually gives out signed copies of his book for the best homework is the cherry on the sundae.
So because Lockhart is a narcissistic monster, Hermione is easily able to trick him into signing the form for the restricted potions books with a little light praise, and badass Hermione makes her second appearance when she talks our boys into continuing on with the brewing of a difficult and illegal potion.
Ron gives some sage advice about knocking Malfoy off his broom being easier then interrogating him with Polyjuice, and really, how dare people say Ron isn’t smart when he dispenses wisdom like this?
So with this gem of wisdom in mind, Harry goes to play Quidditch versus the superior broomed Slytherins and Wood gives the worst pep talk to a twelve year old boy ever, and tells him to get the snitch or die trying.
Harry of course takes this way too far and literally almost dies when a bludger goes cuckoo bananas and tries to knock him off his broom and murder him dead the whole game, and I wonder what in the hell is Madam Hooch doing that she doesn’t see a bludger going wild and almost killing one of her students?
So Malfoy sneers at Harry’s twirling
but doesn’t laugh for long when Harry catches the snitch and breaks his arm, not in that order, and then gets his arm de-boned by an eagerly incompetent Lockhart.
Harry’s in the hospital growing his bones back when Dobby shows up and admits he’s behind the bludger and the gate, gets threatened by Harry, and we get Dobby’s pitiful backstory as a working slave for a horrible family. (Spoiler: it’s of course the asshat Malfoy’s that own Dobby.)
Colin shows up in the middle of the night mysteriously petrified, and we get another new layer of mystery to our story.
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Would you watch a six hour movie of Lockhart and Harry reenacting scenes from his books?
How come Madam Hooch never notices when Harry’s in grave danger during a Quidditch match?
Would you brew a dangerous potion?
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