Chapter Eighteen: Dobby’s Reward
In chapter eighteen of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Harry gets confirmation he’s a Gryffindor at heart, Lucius Malfoy doesn’t even have time to tie a hair bow, and Dobby is freed with the second grossest sock of all time.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
The Weasley’s and Dumbledore are in McG’s office when our heroes (plus Lockhart) arrive covered in muck and blood, and we get a boat load of exposition about the events of the book delivered by Harry.
Dumbledore jumps in to tell everyone that Lord Voldemort used to be known as Tom Riddle, and it’s here I have to interject how odd it is that more people don’t know this or talk about it. I realize that when he resurfaced he looked different due to dark magick, and also that everyone was scared, but I find it hard to believe at least one fool-hardy person didn’t go to the press with stories about their old school peer Tom Riddle, and his descent into a melted marshmallow snake.
Ginny gets off the hook for being young and brainwashed, Ron and Harry receive a boatload of points in Dumbledore’s annual “give the cup to Gryffindor” holiday, and when Ron takes the now humble Lockhart off to the infirmary, Harry and Dumbledore have another conversation where we know in retrospect Dumbledore is holding a lot back.
One of my favorite talks between Harry and Dumbledore ensues, where they discuss why Harry is in Gryffindor and not Slytherin, and Dumbledore says
which is a brilliant insight relevant in most situations, and man do I miss Richard Harris as Dumbledore!
Dumbledore only fully convinces Harry that he’s a true Gryffindor when he shows him that he pulled the sword of Godric Gryffindor out of a hat, and Lucius Malfoy shows up unexpectedly with Dobby. We know L-Malfs has got to be pissed, because he’s actually seen in public rather disheveled. He’s even without the glorious hair bow!
Dobby makes enough faces for such an extended period of time that Harry gets a clue and realizes Lucius is behind Ginny getting the diary, and while Lucius doesn’t scream “I would’ve gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling kids!”
He gets close.
Harry comes up with one of my favorite plans of his and stuffs the diary into his stank ass slimy sock (the second grossest sock after the one my best friend’s dog ate and vomited back out) and shoves it into Lucius’s perfumed hand, which let’s be real, potentially hasn’t touched a speck of dirt in thirty years or so. Lucius throws the sock away before it ruins his evil manicure of little Dark Marks and Dobby catches it, getting freed, and giving all of us who’ve suffered in some way a fantastic gif to break out.
Forty years of peroxide finally gets to him and Lucius loses his goddamn mind and tries to kill Harry in the corridors of Hogwarts like, yes, good one Lucius, no one will suspect you or find out I’m sure if you kill the twelve-year-old hero of the wizarding world and Dobby is like biiiitch please you will get a taste of this elf magic
and Lucius prances off, his glorious Paris Hilton wig a mess after some threats.
Dobby tells Harry his “clue” in the beginning of the book saying the attacker is not “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” was because T-Ridz could be freely named is pretty terrible, but still, points for trying Dobby! More points for knocking Lucius on his ass!
Harry breaks our hearts with this exchange
The Mandrakes are murdered to wake up our petrified students, and poor Colin and Justin in particular must’ve had it ROUGH trying to make up their school work that year, yes? I can only hope they got some stellar tutoring over the summer to catch them up.
School exams are cancelled which seems amazing until you realize the O.W.L. and N.E.W.T.S probably had to be done…right?! Maybe just the underclassmen exams were cancelled and the others went on anyway? And in the movie Hagrid shows up and gets a standing O in a very cheeseball (yum…cheeseballs) ending that I forgive because Hagrid is awesome enough to deserve a velveeta drenched ending about how much everyone loves him.
Yay, Hagrid! Delicious Cheeseballs for all!
But our book ends with Ginny squealing on Percy having a girlfriend to everyone, which, damn Ginny, squeal about your own secrets six months ago, eh? Save the school from the basilisk, yes? Harry passes out his phone number to Hermione and Ron to call him at the Dursleys, and I’m sure this will turn out spectacularly! Right Ron?
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How bad is Dobby’s “clue” to Harry about who is behind the attacks?
Do you prefer the book or movie ending to Chamber of Secrets?
Were all exams cancelled, including O.W.Ls and N.E.W.T.S?
Was there ever a more just moment then Lucius Malfoy freeing his own elf with Harry Potter’s gross sock?
How come more people don’t know that Tom Riddle = Voldemort?
What are your overall thoughts on Chamber of Secrets?
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