Chapter Two: Aunt Marge’s Big Mistake
In chapter two of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Harry actually has a worse relation then Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
We rejoin Harry who’s had five minutes of happiness in his life while living at Privet Drive and that simply cannot do! Enter “Aunt” Marge. Now, Uncle Vernon is a bag of ignorant hairballs trapped inside a vacuum cleaner bag but his sister, who is thank goodness no relation to Harry but still his “Aunt”, is demon spawn molded into the vague shape of a woman.
The Dursley’s prefer outright ignoring and neglecting Harry, and as bad as that is, it’s still better to him then the open constant insulting abuse Aunt Marge prefers to fling at him.
Our boy Harry is sassy as hell in this chapter, and I love it.
If you are forced to suffer with terrible relatives, Harry has wisely learned it’s best to do it with some massive sarcasm to get through it with your sanity intact.
Harry’s dreading her visit, and also Uncle Vernon’s ridiculous assertion that Harry should pretend to be going to a school for incurably criminal boys, but he’s got a Hogsmeade form that needs signing by his guardian and he’s willing to play ball. It’s here I’ve got to ask…Uncle Vernon agrees to sign Harry’s Hogsmeade form if he convinces Marge he attends St. Brutus’s Secure Center for Incurably Criminal Boys, but would he have followed through? Or would he have come up with some excuse not to sign the form no matter what? As huge of a toxic wasteland as Uncle Vernon is, I think he would’ve signed the form if Harry had behaved, but of course, it wouldn’t surprise me if he didn’t.
So Aunt Marge shows up, immediately baiting Harry as soon as she spots him about how he would’ve been shipped off to an orphanage if he had been dropped at her door, and look–let’s pause here and all agree that Aunt Marge is so awful to Harry this chapter it’s like a sentient pile of sludge came to the house to stay, but we should also talk about how rotten Marge is being to Aunt Petunia, who I feel must secretly hate her guts as well.
- Marge says she’d ship Harry to an orphanage if she’d been in Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon’s position which really means she would’ve shipped Dudley off to an orphanage if Petunia and Vernon had died, if you think about it.
- She feeds her dog out of Petunia’s good china.
- Repeatedly insists Harry’s bad blood and bad genes are to blame for what’s wrong with him (i.e. Petunia’s blood and genes) and yes she says it’s not Petunia herself, but this is beyond insulting.
- Refers to Harry’s mother, Petunia’s dead sister, as a “bitch” in a metaphor.
Maybe I’m wrong (it’s been known to happen) but I feel Harry isn’t the only one who dreads Aunt Marge’s visits at Privet Drive.
So of course Harry heroically tries his best to endure heinous insults about himself, his mother, and his father for almost a whole damn week, and he almost manages it until Aunt Marge pushes too far
And he accidentally blows her up
and frankly, Aunt Marge got off easy and should count herself lucky Harry didn’t do something so much worse to her. Like make her assist Gilderoy Lockhart with his fanmail, or manicure Lucius Malfoy’s nails for him now that Dobby is free.
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So who is worse, Uncle Vernon or Aunt Marge?
Would Uncle Vernon have signed Harry’s form if he’d behaved?
Do you think Aunt Petunia hates Aunt Marge as well?
Does Aunt Marge deserve worse then being blown up?
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