Chapter Five: The Dementor
In chapter five of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Harry meets the literal embodiment of depression, everyone eats chocolate including me, and we meet the best Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Percy’s still pissed at Ron when we start our chapter, because siblings are awesome but also occasionally terrible and annoying, and Mrs. Weasley is giggling with Ginny and Hermione about a love potion she’d made as a girl and–what what WHAT. All my WHATS.
Ok hold up. How did I just notice that Mrs. Weasley is telling a story about a love potion she’d brewed? PLEASE tell me this is a story that ends with “and that was very wrong and I most certainly didn’t dose anyone with it” because WHAT.
So Ron and Hermione fight over their pets and pour yourself a drink (of butterbeer) because this is going to be one of those recurring themes, and then Mr. Weasley probably breaks ten laws and tells Harry that Sirius Black is out to get him, proving once again that Albus Severus Potter had some better option for names.
Harry impresses and kind of horrifies Mr. Weasley when he lets him know that he’s totes ok that a mass murdering psycho is after him, and Mr. Weasley makes Harry promise not to go looking for Sirius, which is odd enough that Harry, oblivious as he sometimes is, notices that it’s weird.
Our trio kicks Ginny out from their conversation and make their way into a compartment with one R.J. Lupin, and look, I will not hide from you how much I love Remus. The man is sensitive, a good teacher, and he constantly has a large supply of chocolate on him (pause for Cadbury Creme Egg break). How is one man so perfect?!
After discussing Sirius Black our trio moves on to Hogsmeade, making it sound like the greatest place on Earth and I’m inclined to agree.
Poor Harry’s got to break the wretched news that he can’t actually go to the land of Butterbeer, candy, and ghosts that are somehow scary even though we have yet to meet a scary ghost aside from the Bloody Baron
and Ron and Hermione are properly horrified for him.
Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle (who really a proper name so I can abbreviate it) Malfoy N’ Goons? The 3 Stooges? 1 Ferret, 2 Trolls? show up to be stupid jerkfaces as usual because Malfoy’s spent all summer muttering over parchments with scribbled insults for Harry on them and he wants to use said crappy insults, dammit!
Lupin saves the day by existing, and Goldilocks and the Two Ogres leave before the dementors show up. The dementors, long known as literal depression in monster form, aptly effect Harry and Ginny (who has returned to the train car with Neville) the worst out of our group, as they’ve had the hardest time in life so far. Harry hears screaming, and we can assume Ginny hears Riddle, but Lupin finally wakes up, drives the dementor away, and hands out chocolate like a rumpled Easter Bunny.
Malfoy reappears to gleefully torment Harry about fainting, and Neville, what are you doing, son? Why are you telling people that Harry fainted?
Also it’s quite ironic Malfoy finds this so hilarious when we know he will put on a dramatic performance worthy of Lady Macbeth when Buckbeak attacks him later on.
Hagrid is announced as the new Care of Magical Creatures Professor and Dumbledore warns everyone to be wary of the dementors, as they will attack if they find you where you shouldn’t be, and for the love of god, how does the Ministry get away with stationing dementors at a school?! How aren’t all the parents, one Mr. Lucius Malfoy at the front, not demanding that the dementors be removed?! Ah well. Hogwarts logic!
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Hogsmeade: greatest place on Earth after Hogwarts?
Why does Neville tell people Harry fainted?
Do you know a good nickname for Malfoy, Crabbe, and Goyle?
How does the Ministry get away with stationing dementors at a school?
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