Chapter Twenty-Two: Owl Post Again
In chapter twenty-two of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Snape loses his shit for the umpteenth time, Remus resigns, and Harry trolls the Dursleys.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Harry and Hermione have waved goodbye to Sirius, and now they’ve got to get back to the hospital wing without anyone noticing that they’re time traveling and releasing rogue Hippogriffs and convicted murderers. Snape’s lurking about trying to get the dementors to kiss Sirius ASAP because he’s really fucking pathetic, but our kids make it back without witnesses and Dumbledore lets them in to get chocolate shoved in their gobs some more by Madam Pomfrey.
Harry and Hermione are busy doing this
when Snape loses his goddamn mind, part one billion, and screams at Harry in front of Madam Pomfrey, Dumbledore, and the Minister of Magic.
“HE DIDN’T DISAPPARATE!” Snape roared, now very close at hand. “YOU CAN’T APPARATE OR DISAPPARATE INSIDE THIS CASTLE! THIS — HAS — SOMETHING — TO — DO — WITH — POTTER!”
“Severus — be reasonable — Harry has been locked up –“
BAM.
The door of the hospital wing burst open.
Fudge, Snape, and Dumbledore came striding into the ward. Dumbledore alone looked calm. Indeed, he looked as though he was quite enjoying himself. Fudge appeared angry. But Snape was beside himself.
“OUT WITH IT, POTTER!” he bellowed. “WHAT DID YOU DO?”
“Professor Snape!” shrieked Madam Pomfrey. “Control yourself!”
“See here, Snape, be reasonable,” said Fudge. “This door’s been locked, we just saw –“
“THEY HELPED HIM ESCAPE, I KNOW IT!” Snape howled, pointing at Harry and Hermione. His face was twisted; spit was flying from his mouth.
“Calm down, man!” Fudge barked. “You’re talking nonsense!”
“YOU DON’T KNOW POTTER!” shrieked Snape. “HE DID IT, I KNOW HE DID IT –“
As much as I love Alan Rickman as Snape, I do miss how completely and utterly unhinged Snape gets in the books from time to time. Also, the irony of Snape actually being right here is…well……
Snape and co are ushered out, Ron wakes up, and Hermione is forced to explain everything to him while Harry does this.
Hagrid’s totally hungover the next day, and really, is any teacher more my spirit animal then Hagrid? I spent roughly half my time working with teenagers driving home muttering this under my breath:
going home to sweet, sweet alcohol, letting slip gossip the next day about the werewolf professor who resigned…
Speaking of werewolf professors who have resigned, Harry and Lupin have a supremely sad conversation where it’s clear that resigning is killing Lupin but he’s got to do it because SNAPE TOLD THE SLYTHERINS and say it with me y’all, FUCK SNAPE. This is one of the scenes I think the movie absolutely nailed
;
Except (c’mon you knew there was an “except”) the part where they left out when Remus explains that yes, James is Prongs, and he would’ve been very disappointed if Harry had not ever found the secret passageways out of the school.
Lupin leaves wondering how he’s going to eat or whatever since no one will hire him as an employee and good job honoring Lily’s memory Severus and Harry discusses the futility of his actions with Dumbledore. I do enjoy this talk a lot, because Dumbledore does an excellent job explaining how Harry did the right thing saving Peter’s life, and it was what James would’ve done, which I think are both true statements.
Dumbledore and Harry take a shot for the Harry Potter drinking game when A-Dumbs breaks out the James with Lily’s eyeballs line, and take another metaphorical shot y’all, because Dumbledore’s given the Gryffindors the cup again!
Sirius sends Harry a letter explaining the remaining plotholes, like how he had sent the Firebolt as a present
Hermione:
and also gives the tiny owl delivering the message to Ron as a present, and the movies did Sirius so dirty! He was so complex and interesting of a character! As if Book!Sirius isn’t awesome enough, he sends Harry a signed permission form to attend Hogsmeade weekends
AND ammunition for Harry to torment the Dursley’s with!
‘It’s not,’ said Harry cheerfully. ‘It’s a letter from my godfather.’
‘Godfather?’ spluttered Uncle Vernon. ‘You haven’t got a godfather!’
‘Yes, I have,’ said Harry brightly. ‘He was my mum and dad’s best friend. He’s a convicted murderer, but he’s broken out of wizard prison and he’s on the run. He likes to keep in touch with me, though…keep up with my news…check I’m happy…”
Oh Sassy Harry, never change!
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Do you wish our illnesses could be solved with chocolate?
Which Hogwarts professor is your spirit animal?
Was Remus right to resign?
Do you miss Snape having a temper more in the movies?
What is your favorite Dursley troll of Harry’s?
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