Chapter Fourteen: The Unforgivable Curses
In chapter fourteen of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Hermione starts an organization with the worst acronym ever, Barty McFakeMoody is a genius sadist, and Neville and Harry are tormented.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Snape’s bullying Neville worse than ever this chapter, because truly he is fucking awful and again I must ask: Sev, would Lily really like this aspect of you, bro? Was this the type of behavior she was a fan of? Was this what would’ve made her marry you and not James?
Ron’s fantasizing about Moody turning Snape into a horned toad and bouncing him around the dungeons, and it’s that kind of magical debauchery that I am here for, Roonil Wazlib.
Everyone’s hyped about Moody’s first lesson, and this is seriously entertaining when you picture the whole time that it’s Barty Crouch Jr., deranged Death Eater with severe daddy issues. I mean we’ve got Ron talking with him about the Imperius Curse and Arthur helping him out of a tight spot:
Then we’ve got poor Neville talking about the Cruciatus curse with the asshole who literally helped torture his parents into madness with it and then performs it in front of Neville
And THEN Barty Fuckface kills a spider dead with Avada Kedavra right in front of Harry, the only known survivor of the curse, knowing he’s planning on helping his master kill Harry in a few months. (In a plan so convoluted and ridiculous that will be a whole other rant.) Basically, I’m saying Barty McFakeMoody is fucking stone cold, a genius who is able to fool everyone including Dumbledore about his real identity, and frankly Voldemort’s best Death Eater by a long shot. But don’t worry, the movie will mess all that up!
Excuse the bad quality of this gif but I wanted you to just LOOK AT THAT RIDICULOUS FUCKING LIP PURSE my goodness I half love Goblet of Fire the movie and I half loathe it and it’s a complicated relationship, ok?
Going back to McFakeMoody’s lesson, it’s a rather sadistic lesson plan to show children, but we don’t question it on initial read because to me it seemed sensible that the students learn the worst of the worst. You *do* need to know what you’re up against, your history of atrocities. But it’s a nice little touch knowing Barty McEvil really is probably enjoying torturing these kids, too.
So Neville’s all traumatized and earns himself tea with Alastor Crouch Jr, mainly so Barty Murderer can plant a book for Harry (how the fuck did he know about this task already?!) and also so he can presumably gloat about destroying Neville’s life or whatever.
Ron’s being a dumbass as usual and not getting that Harry might not have found a lesson involving the curse that killed his parents and almost killed him “cool” but he makes up for it with more Divination shenanigans with Harry, wherein they give up and make up fake horrible things happening to them for their homework.
“You know,” said Ron, whose hair was on end because of all the times he had run his fingers through it in frustration, “I think it’s back to the old Divination standby.” “What — make it up?” “Yeah,” said Ron, sweeping the jumble of scrawled notes off the table, dipping his pen into some ink, and starting to write. “Next Monday,” he said as he scribbled, “I am likely to develop a cough, owing to the unlucky conjunction of Mars and Jupiter.” He looked up at Harry. “You know her — just put in loads of misery, she’ll lap it up.” “Right,” said Harry, crumpling up his first attempt and lobbing it over the heads of a group of chattering first years into the fire. “Okay … on Monday, I will be in danger of — er — burns.” “Yeah, you will be,” said Ron darkly, “we’re seeing the skrewts again on Monday.
Fred and George are off furthering the Bagman is our villain red herring plot–ah, I mean muttering in a corner suspiciously over parchment, when Hermione shows up with her S.P.E.W. badges. And oh boy, is this a thorny issue.
Let’s just start with that fucking S.P.E.W. was a terrible acronym, yes? We can all agree on that? On par with Joyce Summers and M.O.O. (Mothers Opposed to the Occult) in “Gingerbread?”
I think Hermione’s right to start this group. I’m potentially the cheese stands alone, but house elves ARE treated badly and dismissively, wizards and witches don’t seem to really care, and awareness and legislature should change. But she does handle it er, poorly, but we’ll get to that in later chapters.
Sirius has finally responded to Harry’s faux casual letter about his curse scar, saying he’s coming back to Hogwarts
but unlike me, Harry’s super unhappy about this, and he and Neville lay awake with their shitty childhood trauma, like THANKS PROFESSOR FAKEASS TORTURER.
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Who is Voldemort’s best Death Eater in your opinion?
Do you think it was right that fake Moody teach the students the Unforgivable Curses?
How do you feel about S.P.E.W.?
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