Chapter Twenty-Nine: Career Advice
In chapter twenty-nine of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix Harry’s tormented by the memory of his father being a bully, McG bitchslaps Umbridge, and the twins have the best “it’s not me, it’s you” break up of all time.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Harry’s busy reeling from one of the worst revelations of his life: that his dad, godfather, and favorite professor were arrogant bullies (and one weak-willed bystander) and his mother hated his father. This is a bitter pill to swallow for a kid who grew up not knowing anything about his parents until he was told over and over by people he trusted how awesome that they were.
Ginny shows up to be helpful and notices that Harry’s in a funk, and he confides in her that he’d like to talk to Sirius. The twins appear to tell him they’ve got a dastardly plan in motion to cause another distraction, and Hermione Loses. Her. Shit. She spends a solid twelve hours trying to talk Harry out of the plan until Ron tells her to stick a cork in it.
Snape breaks Harry’s potion sample and gives him a zero for the day instead of oh, say, full credit since he’s the dunderhead who broke it but that’s Snape for you! Somehow getting away with the worst teaching this side of Umbridge.
Hello, it’s that time again to play my favorite game, what brilliant book scene was cut from the movie this time? Professor McGonagall, come on down!
So McG is giving Harry career advice while toad face lurks like the blobby troll she is and it starts off normal, with McG giving Harry the knowledge he needs and the advice that he should maybe pick a different career, until Umbridge interrupts like the rude bitch she is and McG goes DEFCON.
The “career advice” devolves to the point that Umbridge is like “Potter with never be an Auror, even if I have to die for this to happen I will do it, I will die so he won’t become an Auror,” and McG is all “Potter I will cast the Imperius curse on you for years and personally cheat your way into an Auror position solely so this bitch suffers” and Harry somehow escapes alive.
The twins set off their distraction and Harry sneaks into Umbridge’s office to talk to Sirius, an idea so dangerous it should tell you how badly Snape’s memory is fucking with him. So Harry tells Sirius and Lupin the whole story, down to the parts where James messed with his hair like a tool and kept showing off for the girls, and he’s surprised when Sirius and Remus laugh fondly.
It’s here I’m going to chat about my thoughts on James Potter, so feel free to skip ahead. I am very anti bullying, and I have never been a fan of arrogance. James’s actions are quite despicable. But when we find out the backstory from Lupin and Sirius, and we find out later on more about what Snape was like, I will never be one of those people who say James is worse then Snape, the man who joined a cult that literally murdered Muggles and Muggle-borns for fun and power. Harry’s a great kid at fifteen, but Sirius and Lupin are right that most of us are kind of jerkfaces at fifteen. I’d like to say I was perfect, but I know I was not. So to me, James was a kid who grew up rich and priviledged in the pureblood world and decided at some point that he valued everyone as humans, regardless of what most purebloods thought. He gained some wisdom, fell in love with a Muggleborn girl, and died protecting his wife and kid. He was flawed, but James was a good guy and I think this lesson Harry learned about people not always being saints was wonderful. Sirius, to me, was a boy who grew up in a highly abusive household, rebelled early, saw the error of his family’s teachings and made new friends in the wrong house and grew up to be a man who was willing to die for everyone he cared about. Remus was a boy who grew up ashamed to be a werewolf, convinced no one would like him or be his friend or even see him as a human, and he was desperate to hold onto the people who gave him that acceptance. None of them shone with glory in that scene with Snape except Lily. None of them did the right thing. Yet I find that one bad action doesn’t wipe out the great things they did. Just like Snape’s noble action of protecting Lily doesn’t wipe out the bullying he inflicts on Neville, Hermione, and so many others. It’s what makes the Marauders, Lily, and Snape such fascinating, well rounded characters.
Time for another contestant on “Why oh Why did they cut everything good from the book?” This time! We have…Fred Weasley! George Weasley! And a gang of Slytherin arseholes being puppeted by Umbridge!
Sure, we get a fun fireworks scene in the movie, but nothing as phenomenal as this glorious passage:
“We won’t be seeing you,’ Fred told Professor Umbridge, swinging his leg over his broomstick.
‘Yeah, don’t bother to keep in touch,’ said George, mounting his own.
Fred looked around at the assembled students, and at the silent, watchful crowd. ‘If anyone fancies buying a Portable Swamp, as demonstrated upstairs, come to number ninety-three, Diagon Alley — Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes,’ he said in a loud voice, ‘Our new premises!’
‘Special discounts to Hogwarts students who swear they’re going to use our products to get rid of this old bat,’ added George, pointing at Professor Umbridge.
‘STOP THEM!’ shrieked Umbridge, but it was too late. As the Inquisitorial Squad closed in, Fred and George kicked off from the floor, shooting fifteen feet into the air, the iron peg swinging dangerously below. Fred looked across the hall at the poltergeist bobbing on his level above the crowd.
‘Give her hell from us, Peeves.’
And Peeves, who Harry had never seen take an order from a student before, swept his belled hat from his head and sprang to a salute as Fred and George wheeled about to tumultuous applause from the students below and sped out of the open front doors into the glorious sunset.”
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Would you have broken into Umbridge’s office if you were Harry?
Favorite Umbridge/McG moment?
What are your thoughts on James Potter?
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