Chapter Six: Draco’s Detour
In chapter six of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince the twins give Hermione a black eye, Narcissa is openly a bigot, and Harry begins his fun new obsession with stalking Draco Malfoy.
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
A wild REMUS LUPIN appears this chapter but don’t worry, he doesn’t really care too much about Harry’s welfare again. Remus, what are you doing, son? Why do you go back and forth between caring a lot about Harry and not giving a shit?
Diagon Alley is no longer the fun mystical place it was, because Voldemort sucks the fun out of everything, everywhere, always.
Hagrid’s the security for our trio and I’m kind of sad we never get a scene where he’s smashing the crap out of some Death Eaters like a cuddly Hulk.
Malfoy’s out clothes shopping with mummy and of course he comments on Hermione smelling and her black eye, courtesy of a WWW product, because Malfoy is an odious little troll and his snooty mother is worse, since she raised the little ass and enjoys threatening death on teenage boys.
“I expect Potter will be reunited with dear Sirius before I am reunited with Lucius.”
I mean….really, Narcissa?!
We start our endless, tedious subplot Draco Malfoy is So Obviously a Fucking Death Eater Why Are We Dragging This Out? when he’s like “ouch my left arm, conveniently where my Dark Mark would be!” Although knowing Malfoy, it’s possible he’s tattooed a “Mr. Draco Potter” in a heart on his arm.
There’s a delightful interlude in Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes, a shop that I would blow all of my money in even if the casual love potions are creepy as fuck. Can we discuss why it’s totally legit for people to buy and sell LOVE POTIONS like it’s no big deal? Consent, anyone?
Even though I’m not a huge fan of this movie adaptation, I do like to give credit where credit is due, and I must shout out this wonderful moment:
Our trio follows Malfoy in part two of Seriously Malfoy is a Death Eater when he goes into Knockturn Alley, threatens the oily shopkeeper, and shows him something on his arm that startles him (although it’s possible the Mr. Draco Potter tattoo would traumatize Borgin.)
Hermione, bless her heart, decides to try her hand at spycraft and fails abysmally and hilariously and Borgin kicks her out. What I’m saying is, she’s just as terrible of a liar as I am.
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Why doesn’t Remus write to Harry like Sirius did?
Is Hagrid good enough security to protect Harry?
How could Hermione have behaved to fool Borgin into telling her what Malfoy was up to?
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