Epilogue: 19 Years Later
In the epilogue of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Harry has gotten a lobotomy, Ron is entertaining, and Draco is repulsive, damn you fangirls, stop crushing on him! *JKR’s inner thoughts*
(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)
Y’all, this hurts me to write, because this is my least favorite chapter in all of Harry Potter, (aside from the abomination that is Cursed Child of course and which does not count.) This hurts me. This hurts me like Minerva McGonagall changing her age hurts me. This hurts me like wizards pooping on the ground hurts me. I remember reading shortly after the book was published that the epilogue had leaked online and people didn’t even believe it was a real leak because it was so bad. This epilogue was all of our warning about Cursed Child that we didn’t heed, and dammit couldn’t we have just left the story with Kreacher making Harry a sandwich?!
I feel like there are two kinds of readers: those who want everything wrapped up clearly, and those who want the ending to be vaguer so they can fill in their own wishes. I’ve always been one of the latter. I enjoy the sweet agony of not knowing what’s happened in a book’s canon and looking for some good fanfiction or daydreaming my own endings. I don’t want to know that Hermione settled (coughyeahIsaiditcomeatmebro) for Ron and that Harry married his mother–er, I mean, Ginny 2.0 and that he named his children like a tumblr stan. I want to imagine that the trio had fun adventures and Hermione had a very cool job and accomplished a lot and Harry maybe married Luna and nothing adult and boring! But here we are. With the epilogue that I often ignore when reading fanfic. Lets go wallow in my torment.
So it’s 19 years later and Harry and Ginny 2.0 have married even though he just thought last chapter about how he doesn’t need to talk to Ginny and how Hermione and Ron are the ones he wants most, great foundation for love just saying, and Ron and Hermione have married even though they fight like cats and dogs and UGHHHH no why why why. Not only do we get the indignity of Harry naming his kids like a thirteen year old who just finished reading Harry Potter for the first time, but James Sirius Potter is well, exactly like James and Sirius as younglings (aka a twit) and Lily Luna (no love for Hermione?!) is kind of a human piece of blank white paper, and then there’s Albus Severus, who’s afraid of being sorted into Slytherin and Harry WHY have you done this to me?! Why the FUCK would you name your kid after Dumbledore, a lying liar who used you like a chess piece and maybe killed his own sister, and Snape, a RACIST PROBABLE MURDERER who creepy stalked your mother? Yes they both did brave things, but name that last kid Remus Arthur! Rubeus Remus! Dobby Aberforth! Arthur Rubeus! Rubeus Albus if you must! But ALBUS SEVERUS is fucking sadistic! It’s like naming your son Poncifer McPoncy the III. Have fun getting bullied, Albus Severus!
James is a little bully and Harry’s really casual about it (wtf?) and dismisses his torment of his brother as a “laugh” which is our second sign that adult Harry Potter has lost his goddamn mind. (Was HIS common sense ALSO in the Horcrux sliver?!)
Ron and Hermione have at least named their kids normal names and haven’t placed the heavy burden of following in the footsteps of dead martyr son babies, Harry.
Weirdly enough, Ron is the most interesting part of this chapter. Not best, per se, but most colorful. Whether he’s admitting he confunded the Muggle driving exam driver because ho ho, there’s always a little more time for some Muggle dismissive memory wiping, tee hee, or telling his eleven year old daughter not to marry Scorpius (holy balls these terrible names) Malfoy, and his best zinger, when he says everyone’s staring at the Weasley/Potter clans because
“Don’t let it worry you,” said Ron. “It’s me. I’m extremely famous.”
but let’s back up a bit, because JKR really wants to destroy every single person who is crushing on D-Malfs by emphasizing how pointy he is with his receding hair and damn JK! Doing Malfoy so dirty!
James Sirius Remus Wormtail Potter or whatever he’s named comes back to be like “I’m spying on Teddy Lupin making out with our cousin Victoire because everyone MUST be with a Weasley in our narrative to be happy” and we find out Neville is the Herbology teacher and Hagrid’s still at Hogwarts and okay, fair play to all that that’s delightful. JK also throws us a bone when she tells us that Teddy is over at Harry’s place all the time since, y’know, she killed the kid’s grandfather, father, and mother when he was an infant for literary parallels.
But let’s touch on this moment where Harry’s like “Albus Severus Slughorn Regulus Draco Narcissa Griphook Potter or whatever I named you to give you a huge complex, who cares if you’re a Slytherin, but if you do care since they’re all evvvviiiiillll just tell the hat to put you in Gryffindor like I did” and this is kind of a touching moment until I remember Cursed Child and start breaking shit.
So Harry rubs his scar, all is well, and I frantically look for some fanfiction and pretend this chapter never happened, la la la!
Join me for my recap of Deathly Hallows next!
<—Previous Chapter Next Chapter —>
Join in with your thoughts below, on twitter, or instagram with #ReadHarryPotterWithMe. Follow me on my twitter @HSecretLibrary, pinterest, and my instagram @hermionessecretlibrary
What kind of reader are you: do you want closure or an open ending?
Tell me your thoughts on the epilogue.
Why does Harry name his kid Albus Severus instead of other excellent options?
Picture taken at the Warner Brothers Studio Tour in London, England. Send me/tag me in your pics of you reading Harry Potter!