A Harry Potter Reread: The Chamber of Secrets Chapter 15

Chapter Fifteen: Aragog

In chapter fifteen of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets Malfoy ups his obnoxious strutting, Fang finally gets a walk and some food, and oh yeah, Ron and Harry and Fang are almost eaten by giant murderous spiders.

(Please be advised that this is a reread and I will be discussing book and movie spoilers.)

We start our chapter with the sadness of Hagrid and Dumbledore being gone, and Malfoy strutting around like the douchey albino peacock he is, as if he personally fired Dumbledore. Snape gets way too happy about Malfoy’s suggestion of being the new Headmaster, and Seamus speaks for all of us readers while he vomits in a cauldron at this “Dudley Dursley greeting the Masons” level ass-kissing.

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Ron tries to kill Malfoy when Malfoy says he wishes Hermione had been the one to die, and really, can you blame him? I’m surprised no one has attacked Malfoy before now. (Hermione book three: I’m on it!)

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Ernie MacMillan comes to his senses and demonstrates for the first time that he’s a bit of a Percy: pompous and perhaps unlikable but actually a good friend to Harry after he comes to the realization Harry would never attack Hermione.

The boys finally get a chance to follow Hagrid’s advice to follow the spiders and they discover the Ford in the forest, along with oh, a nightmare of unspeakable proportions: tons of giant spiders that want nothing more to eat their delicious, delicious bodies. Movie Ron makes some amazing faces

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and we learn yet again that Hagrid is often fond of monsters that are willing to eat every human that isn’t him when Aragog the spider comes out, tells our boys that he’s not the Chamber of Secrets monster and Hagrid is innocent, and then leaves them to be ravenously devoured because he has way too many descendants to feed which–whose fault is that Aragog?! Use a spider condom next time dude–before the car saves our boys and Fang.

Movie Ron cracks off a great line when they are finally free from Arachnid hell

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And our boys realize that the girl who was killed fifty years ago who was found in a bathroom (thanks Aragog!) was none other then Moaning Myrtle.

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Would you forgive Ernie if you were Harry?

How has Draco Malfoy not been slapped silly before now?

How has one of Hagrid’s pet monsters not killed someone yet?

On a scale of Hagrid to Ron, how traumatized would you be by Aragog’s family?

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