Book Review

In chapter nine of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Muggles are tormented when we get our first real look at Death Eaters, Winky gets treated like dirt, and Malfoy might have an agenda.

In chapter eight of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire the Malfoys lurk about being assholes, Winky appears, and Krum  catches the snitch.

Chapter Seven: Bagman and CrouchIn chapter seven of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Ludo Bagman and Barty Crouch appear to torture Percy, an innocent Muggle gets his memory repeatedly wiped, and wizards dress like Homer Simpson in that episode where he wears a muumuu.

In chapter six of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire I cannot handle the awfulness of getting awoken in the middle of the night, Ron is the only Weasley allowed friends, and Cedric Diggory is dreamy.

In chapter five of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire I do a full body cringe at the description of Bill, Percy is obsessed with cauldron bottoms and a wild CHARLIE WEASLEY appears.

In chapter four of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire the Dursley’s are dressed to impress until their fireplace gets blown up, and the twins are kind of bullies.

In chapter three of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Ron invites Harry to the Quidditch World Cup, Harry binge eats cake, and everyone else slowly starves to death on a quarter slice of grapefruit.

In chapter two of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Harry writes Sirius about his scar, and…let’s be honest not a lot else happens.

In chapter one of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Tom Riddle murders his parents, Wormtail has regrets, and Frank Bryce is a goddamn hero.